Gujarati Club News: [Gujarati Club] Today's Goofie Horoscope " some of these arent to Goofie !!!!!!!! "BY***aSh***

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18) - Power can corrupt, absolute power can corrupt absolutely, but AC power can run a blender.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) - You won't miss the water until the well runs dry. And you won't miss the Perrier until your trust fund dries up, you hateful little debutante.
Aries (March 21 - April 19) - Call government offices today, demanding to know who FICA is, and why he's getting so much of your money.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - Do everything in your power today to keep the metric system from catching on in America. It must not happen!
Gemini (May 21 - June 20) - Find a paper which still carries "Peanuts" and read it today. Is it just me, or are there no punch lines to that comic strip anymore? It's more like a documentary on neglected kids and their highly intelligent dog.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22) - Climb trees all day.
Leo (July 23 - August 22) - Go into work today and build a play fort out of your desk. Hang up a sign that says "No Bosses Allowed." Sit in your fort all day and play with dolls.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) - Your aura is bright pink in the morning, offset by a periwinkle blue in the afternoon, mellowing into a burnt umber by mid-evening.
Libra (September 23 - October 22) - Call up lots of important people you don't know and refer to them as the wrong gender. "I'm sorry ma'am, I must have the wrong number."
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) - Buy a nice plant for yourself today. Dump it on your head and walk around insisting that this thing grew there overnight.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) - Apply to be a security guard. In your interview, yawn and say, "Oh, I once guarded Fort Knox all by myself."
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19) - Drive away fear. Or at least call it a cab and give it enough fare to get home.