For educational emails over the past year...aSh
Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel...aSh
I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels...aSh
I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed...aSh
I can't drink out of the hotel glasses or coffee cups because of the special on television showing that the maids do not really clean them - they just wipe them out with their shirt-tail or a dirty towel...aSh
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pass-time while driving alone is picking your nose. (Although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot)...ash
Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years...aSh
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing...aSh
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program...aSh
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish...aSh
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers...ash
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day...aSh
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes...aSh
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains...aSh
I no longer have lemons in my drinks at restaurants because they are full of bacteria that can make us very ill...aSh
I no longer use ketchup out of bottles @ restaurants (only individual packets) because an employee was putting his HIV tainted blood in the bottles when he filled them...aSh
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas...aSh
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans...aSh
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer...aSh
And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life...aSh
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS...aSh
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me...aSh
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise...aSh
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army...Sh.a
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,Singapore and Uzbekistan ...aSh
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since you guys sent me their recipe 14 times last fall....aSh
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt...aSh
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg...aSh
I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!...aSh
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...aSh
Have a wonderful day....aSh
Oh, by the way..... aSh
A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late :-P
And beware, your cat plans to eat it tonight!...aSh...
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