--- On Fri, 2/23/07, christofur bup <bbkradwell@hotmail.com> wrote:
From: christofur bup <bbkradwell@hotmail.com>
Subject: [BBsErotica] gotta love the Irish
To: aaaaaaa@aaa.com
Date: Friday, February 23, 2007, 4:55 PM
Subject: Some New - Some Old.
Starting with -- Religious Ones :-)
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I
almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but
then I stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You
re not to see that woman again For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and
put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked
over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The
priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You
didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and
according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
____________ _________ _________ __
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon
entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."
The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad
passionate love to me seven times."
The priest thought long and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons
into a glass and drink the juice."
The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"
The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your
face."
____________ _________ _________ __
A man was just waking up from anesthesia
after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open
and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again. His wife had
never heard him say
that before, so she stayed by his side.
A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said,"
You're cute."
The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it
was now "cute." She asked, "What happened to beautiful?"
The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off."
____________ _________ _________ __
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside
with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to
the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a
mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have
services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the
lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something
for the creature."
Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think $5,000 is enough to
donate to them for the service? Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary,
Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"
____________ _________ _________ __
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The
following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years,
many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked
up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with
each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old . I'm telling everybody."
____________ _________ _________ __
A woman was having a passionate affair with
an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying
on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
Quick," said the woman to the lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him
in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of
the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.
"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone Exterminator Company,"
said the technician.
"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.
"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,
the man replied
"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, .. "Those little
bastards.... ."
____________ _________ _________ __
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* **
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* **
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
other is a husband.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* **
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First,
of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked."Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* **
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell
you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent. "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* **
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen." Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BE SILLY!!!!!-! !
oxox -Christofur
(:-}D)
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