Nagesh Rao23 December 2009
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http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/home/opinion/edit-page/Between-Two-Worlds/articleshow/5366686.cms
"How is the US different from India?" i am often asked. As a scholar
of communication, my first impulse is to answer with deep theoretical
insights.
As i reflect, i realise that the most interesting comparisons are in
our day-to-day experiences. Let us, for fun and learning, compare an
American Christian wedding with an Indian Hindu wedding.
In the mid-1990s, my friend Joseph invited me to his wedding and asked
me to be one of his groomsmen. I had known Joe and Charlene for a long
time and was delighted. I had no idea what it meant to be a groomsman.
I asked Joe and he sent me a detailed itinerary …Come four days
before the wedding. Three days before the wedding, you will have to
get your tuxedo fitted. We will have the bachelors' party two nights
before the wedding. And one day prior to the wedding, we will have a
rehearsal. My ears pricked. "Rehearsal? What rehearsal?" I have a
theatre background and the word evoked memories of fun, friends and
love.
As requested, i arrived four days before the wedding. The tux fitting
was eventful, trying out a shirt with blue frills and intriguing
collar designs. The bachelor party was, well what happened in Denver
will stay in Denver! And what did we rehearse?
We rehearsed the whole wedding, from beginning to end! Where will the
ushers stand? Where will the bride's family and friends sit in the
church? The sequence was laid out: first the flower girls, then the
groomsmen and bridesmaids will come from the left and right side of
the aisle, one at a time, meet at the isle and make a path for
Charlene, the bride, and her father. Like any good movie, we had a few
takes before we got it right. The next day, the wedding was an hour
long and it was beautiful. Everyone who attended had a programme,
followed perfectly. The music was exquisite, the decorations subtle
and stunning, and the event appropriately fun and spiritual. I joked
later that Charlene would have had a fit if the roses were not the
exact shade of pink!
How does one compare an American Christian wedding to an Indian Hindu
wedding? For starters, if you have 200 or more guests, it is a big
wedding in the US (of course, everyone has to RSVP if they wish to
attend). In India, a wedding can have anywhere from 200 to 2,000
guests. The wedding invitation is addressed to family and friends and,
on the wedding day, if friends wish to join the festivity that is
perfectly okay. So, no one is really sure how many people will show
up. And everyone who attends will partake in the wedding meal! If the
US wedding is for a few hours, our Indian wedding can go on for days.
In the US, when Joe and Charlene got married, the focus was primarily
on the wedding couple. In India, the wedding couple is important, but
only to very close family and friends. In some ways, the focus is on
the community reconnecting with family and friends, meeting new people
and celebrating the young couple. I recall sitting faraway from the
wedding "pandal" where the ceremonies were in full flow. We were
gossiping and chatting with my aunt, oblivious to the actual wedding.
When the right cue was given (drumming music), all of us turned and
threw rice towards the "pandal" to bless the couple. Seconds later, we
were back to chatting with my aunt about her latest jewellery
purchase.
There is no programme, no guide and no instructions on what one is
supposed to do in an Indian Hindu wedding. You step into this huge
wedding hall and, from an outsider's perspective, it feels like
complete chaos. Kids are running around and playing, people are
milling around and chatting and a small group is in front of a
"pandal" witnessing the wedding ceremonies. When Saumya and i got
married at the Balaji temple in Chicago, we watched our US friends
struggling to find out what they were supposed to do. Saumya asked me,
rather worried, "Shouldn't we have someone explain what is happening
and what they are supposed to do?" My mischievous side took over: "No,
let them discover for themselves." It was fun watching my American
friends, who were used to linear thinking, figure out: Where does one
sit? How come everyone is talking? Isn't one supposed to be quiet
during the wedding? Who takes the gifts? When do we know the wedding
is over?
I could have told you how Americans are generally linear, direct and
explicit in their thinking. And how Indians are often circular,
indirect and implicit in their ways of life. We learn so much more
about the same ideas when we unpack and compare our day-to-day
experiences, like a wedding. Similar insights could be had from going
sari shopping in India and comparing it to buying a dress in a mall in
the US! Want to join us?
The writer is an associate professor in the department of
communication & journalism, University of New Mexico.
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