[Gujarati Club] MY MAIL OF THE DAY BY***aSh*** 6 MAy 11~ FUNNY

Blondes Are The Best!!!   A blonde & her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog.. It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this". She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?" The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!   ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Two Blondes With Hammers... Lynn & Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House.  Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, ' Why are you throwing those nails away?' Lynn  explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end & I throw them away.' Judy got completely upset & yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'   +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad hailstorm... Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little harder, & still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'   +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ These are just too cute not to pass on!!!!    A blonde was shopping at Target & came across a shiny silver thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took it to the clerk to ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot,  And cold things cold.' 'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she Bought the thermos & took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked? 'Why, that's a thermos...... It keeps hot things hot & cold things cold,' she replied.. Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' The blond replied...... 'Two popsicles & some coffee.'   +++++++++++++ AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST  A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.' The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax & rest.' 'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it & I have the best chance of doing that here.' The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically.. 'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks. 'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'      All copyrights © belong to the respective Artist /Photographer...aSh...       A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.   The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.   So the mother sent her 8-year-old in first that morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.   When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE DID IT!!!   Make sure to read to the end. The older we get....  ONE  Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.  I asked for a half dozen nuggets.  'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.  'You don't?' I replied.  'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.  'So I can't order half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'  'That's right.'  So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets  (Unbelievable but sadly true...)  TWO  I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.  After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.  Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'  I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'  She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.  She had no clue to what had just happened.  THREE  A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.  When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'  (Keep shuddering!!!) FOUR  I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked.  She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door controler. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'  'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.  'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.  As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'  PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself!!!  FIVE  Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.  Brunette, by the way!!!  SIX  A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant killer......'  Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency!!!'  Life is tough.  It's even tougher if you're stupid!!!     Someone had to remind me, so I'm reminding you too. Don't Laugh.....it is all true... Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!!! 01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.  03. No one expects you to run---anywhere. 04. People call at 9 PM and ask, did I wake you?" 05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 07. Things you buy now won't wear out. 08. You can eat supper at 4 PM .  09. You can live without sex but not your glasses. 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.    12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.  13. You sing along with elevator music. 14. Your eyes won't get much worse. 15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.  16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.  19. You can't remember who sent you this list. 20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience. Forward this to every one you can remember right now! Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.